I always thought grief was an emotion. And while that is true, I’ve come to realize that grief can also affect our physical body. I thought I was going crazy! I’m tired all the time, have no appetite, I have headaches most days and sometimes struggle to put two thoughts together. A few times I actually thought I was having a mild heart attack. But I’ve learned it’s all part of grief. I’m not that small island surrounded by imposing mountains. Jesus is walking with me.
“Research shows that emotional pain activates the same regions of the brain as physical pain” from WebMD. I started searching for support via a podcast or whatever I could find. I found the “Grief 2 Great Day” podcast with Stefanie Cabaniss and it has been a lifesaver. I wanted to hear from someone that had experienced this level of grief and she’s my girl! I’ve been listening for the past week and have found comfort in her words and her gentle calm voice.
In Stefanie’s podcast she encourages everyone to “Pray, Read & Rise”. Pray to God each day, Read His word and Rise from bed in whatever manner you can to accomplish something. It doesn’t have to be a major accomplishment, but just ONE thing. Give yourself a non-negotiable that you’ll do each day, more advice from Stefanie. For me, it’s been caring for the animals & plants and the home we made together.
Hank left me a gift in his death. God knew that I wouldn’t neglect the animals or plants. I have to get up each morning to feed the dog & cat. Walk the dog…..yes he likes his walks and that’s actually been good for me physically to continue walking him. Hank had watermelons, pumpkins, bushel gourds, tomatoes, and long gourds already planted. While I can’t maintain them all, I have been taking care of the watermelons & long gourds. I’m doing it for him, his legacy, the last plants he put in the ground. And in doing it for him, I’m also doing it for me. Forcing myself to be active & busy. Pushing the negative away for a little while and dealing with life.
“Grief doesn’t go in a straight line” another Stefanie quote. Thank goodness because I’ve been all over the place!! But as long as I’m taking a step that’s a win in my book. And maybe one day, God willing I’ll pick up my camera again and find joy in photography.
Those that know me know that I’m a planner. I like things organized & tidy. My life is far from tidy or organized right now. I have so many thoughts swimming through my head and I’m struggling to be sure I make the right decisions for my future. Sharon Jaynes (sharonjaynes.com) shared a prayer in an email today……”Help me to listen to the right voices today. Give me wisdom to shut out the voices of the world, the flesh and the devil and to let in the voice of the Holy Spirit”. That’s my prayer today and every day ❤️
**I share these posts not looking for sympathy or pity. Though I gratefully accept all prayers as I navigate this new path. There are so many in this world that are suffering and we all need prayer. I truly appreciate all the love & support I have received since Hank died. But sometimes my head is swimming with thoughts that I can’t think straight. If I don’t get them “out” I feel I’ll drown. Writing it down helps me to make a little sense of what I’m thinking & feeling and, God willing, someone will find comfort in my words as I have found comfort and a little peace in writing them**
As always thank you for sharing your heart!
Dear Sharon, we love you and are here for you. No one knows what you are going through unless they have walked the same path. Thankfully I haven’t and pray that I don’t anytime soon. But God knows when we will have to all travel down that same road. But the grief it will bring only God can take heal and take away. He is always there for us even when we don’t even realize it sometimes. Sadness is something that has to heal with time. Just hold on because there is a brighter day coming for you.
You are a beautiful writer. I love you and am praying for you!
These words you have written are so true. Some days the accomplishment is getting out of bed. Other days you can take on the world. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I love that you have found a way to release your thoughts. It’s so hard. The thing that only stood out to me was that life just keep going, so you have to keep going. I always hated that the world just continued on without him. Still doesn’t feel real. Almost everyday, even after 4 years, I ask, why isn’t he still here? I think of you often and I’m here if you ever want to talk. You keep getting up!