Weary & Broken

I’m weary of being alone, of crying, of all the work that needs to be done. I’m weary of sharing negative posts as I’m sure some are weary of reading. But’s it’s my life right now and I’m trying to find the road through it.

We starting dating at 16 and married at 19. That’s a lot of years together. We could finish each other sentences and gauge each others mood. I miss having a partner. Someone to talk to, fuss at, laugh with. I miss you so much. When will I find joy again?

One of our first photos together

Our last photo together….celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary

In church this morning, for a brief moment I felt you beside me on the pew. I left room for you to sit, from habit. But I was alone. When will that stop hurting so much?

I cry out to you in desperation when I’m trying to figure out where something is, or how to do something that you always did!! I forgot to check the propane level as that was something you always took care of. Matt showed me how to read the gauge yesterday….and yep, we’re in the red! Thank goodness it’s summer and not using too much. I’ll call tomorrow and deal with that. It’s always something. I’m so weary of it always be something.

I’m weary and tired of asking for help. Our family & friends have been wonderful, but when can I stand alone. But yet….I don’t want to be alone.

These were supposed to be our golden years together. Why did you leave me? I’m so weary of all the emotions rolling through me. I want normal, I want you!

I’m reading two devotionals every morning because I need all the inspiration I can get. This morning I read….”If I can stay in the middle of the turmoil calm and unperplexed, that is the end of the purpose of God.” excerpt from “My Utmost from His Highest” by Oswald Chambers.

I need the calm and unperplexed. I’m broken and weary…….waiting on God to restore me.

  1. Belinda Pearson says:

    IStill praying for you Sharon. So sorry you are going through this. You are not alone. God is with you. And with the passing of time and the hurt has healed and you are ready to open yoir heart again God will send you another love. When you are ready! But for now let your heart heal.

  2. Dale Trigg says:

    My dear friend….it is a hard walk and I wish I was wise with lots of good advice but I don’t. I look at you and I see such strengh and courage. I look at the way he smiles at and with you in pictures . I believe with all my heart that he will greet you with that smile again someday. In the meantime you keep being you! Honest in your struggles but moving forward with grace and courage. 🥰

  3. Darlene says:

    My dearest cousin, I pray God’s strength and peace for you daily. It seems evident to me that writing helps you to process your feelings. I hope that you continue to write and share this journey with everyone. You inspire me, your courage in the face of hard times is amazing. Your willingness to share and continue to move forward is truly inspiring. You are helping my faith to grow stronger each and every day. Your courage is helping me to keep moving forward. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your pain with us, for being so raw with your feelings. I wish I could do more to help you, but in the meantime I will continue to lift you up in prayer daily. What an amazing gift God gave you 40 years ago, the gift of love. Know that this very same love is all around you, and continues on through your children, grandchildren, friends and all of this crazy family mamaw and papaw created. You are loved and you are never truly alone. Keep writing, I’ll keep praying and we will both keep moving forward…love you ❤️. D

  4. Kimberly Kelly says:

    You’ve been on my mind and in my heart all day after seeing you this morning. I can not begin to comprehend what you’re going through, but despite it all you’re an inspiration as you persevere each day. I wish Hank’s physical presence was with you, I can only imagine how much you ache with the hurt of missing him. I’m so thankful you have Christ’s presence with you always, and that you’re in His hands. Thank you for sharing your heart – we love you.

  5. Mary Cropp says:

    You are stronger than you know. In time you will figure out your way to get things done. I don’t know the reason we got gypped of our golden years together but there is still a purpose for us Keep your faith strong and hold your head high.

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