Companionship

When I wrote my previous blog post I had so many thoughts rolling through my head that I needed to get them out. I realized today it was because I’m missing my companion. My soul mate, my high school sweetheart, my spouse and father of my children. The man I shared everything with; my dreams and my heartaches. So I’ll continue to share my thoughts.

Today was a good day, as days go now. We had an inch of rain yesterday so I spent today working outside. I finally got all the grass mowed…..it’s the first time it’s been mowed since you died. You were the last to mow our property, I thought about that a lot today.

I’ve been reading two devotional books each morning. I mentioned “Jesus Calling” in my previous post but I’ve also be re-reading “My Utmost for His Highest” by Oswald Chambers. This was gifted to me back in 1999 by our music director at Ferry Farm Baptist Church. We performed the music under the same name and he gifted all the choir members copies of the devotional. 1999…..the year we moved into this home. Another irony? Maybe, but I think it’s divine intervention. Anyway, an excerpt of the devotional this morning reads:

“Our soul’s history with God is frequently the history of the ‘passing of the hero.’ Over and over again God has to remove our friends in order to bring Himself in their place, and that is where we faint and fail and get discouraged. Take it personally: In the year that the one who stood to me for all that God was, died — I gave up everything? I became ill? I got disheartened? or — I saw the Lord?”

There are several ways to interpret this passage. I believe that your time on earth was complete and you went home to God. Only He knows our days, He knows these before we are even born. I’m concentrating on the part that says “I saw the Lord”!

As I worked in the garden tending your watermelon plants, I thanked God for the rain. And also prayed a selfish prayer……”please Lord cover these plants with your angels to protect them from all the bugs & things that can go wrong that I don’t know how to deal with!!!” You know how I hated science in school and you loved it. Go figure! I’m hoping these grow healthy for you, a last gift I can give.

Your long gourd plants are thriving, as best I can tell. They’ve reached the top of the trellis and I saw a few blooms.

I missed you today as my companion, which sounds a little lame. But that’s part of what we were. We were soul mates and companions. We shared everything. I missed sharing the yard work with you. Taking breaks for lunch and hearing your excitement over plants growing well or discouragement over a disease or bug. I miss seeing you & talking to you.

The yard looks good, by my standards not yours! No pretty lines but it’s mowed.

God was with me today, I felt Him in the gentle breeze that helped to keep me cool and I thanked Him.

Hank…..I wear your ring around my neck on a chain everyday. I love you & miss you. This is a hard road I’m walking but I’m making it a day at a time. I will seek the Lord and He will help me. But I still miss you 🙁

Our wildflowers look beautiful. Love you ❤️

PS….Eddie & Laura stopped by this afternoon & brought me fresh green beans! I’ll cook them tomorrow after church. Our family & friends are looking after me, it’ll be ok.